Thoughts on love…

The older we get, the more clear it becomes that loving and being loved are the only really important things in life.

To live without love for others is to live in aridity, to be self-serving and fruitless. To live without understanding is to live without sense or purpose. To live without awareness is to live as the deaf, blind and dumb in a world of vibrant light and sound.

love-sunset-heart-shaped-opening-in-treesSo many of us are in relationships that are draining us, not because we are in love with the wrong person, but rather because of the false evidence that we focus on and make to appear real.  There is never the right person. Right in the sense that destiny intended for you to be together. I have always believed in the wisdom that God created each one of us soul mates and then placed us in this earth to find one another. The person who considers himself/herself special in your life will mean to you what you want them to mean. Love at its core is a choice. It is a decision. You choose to love, and you choose not to love. Each one of us is unique and special and when we give people a chance to really know the stuff that makes their heart, their inner beauty will blow us away. I will understand if they should fail to impress you. We see things not as they are, but as we are. I would like to remind you to not seek love for the thrill of love,seek love by the wisdom to love.

This post is about when you become distrusting or is tempted to become distrusting, judgmental, nagging, wiser and holier than thou. Love in its essence is confidence, a mature understanding and trust in one another. So love without confidence in one’s capacity to love and be loved spells doom for your heart. Get rid of feelings of inadequacies, grow confident in your place as the one. Dignify your better half by showing respect, kindness and care. Affirm one another. Tell them that it is he/she and not anyone else. Model and reflect this commitment in everything that you do.

Know that more than anyone else you also deserve your love and affection. One cannot love another who has not learned to love himself. Love others as you love yourself is the golden command. Loving yourself is about forgiving yourself. So many of us are bitter with lost chances, wasted opportunities, the painful losses that we have experienced, and our general failures and weaknesses. Forgiving yourself brings strength in your life. Strength is not something you have, it is something you find. The weak cannot forgive, forgiveness is an attribute of the strong- Mahatma Gandhi. You must understand that you cannot know peace, if you do not have peace. Hurting people hurt people. Happiness flows from within. Be happy with yourself first.

Nothing goes wrong, it starts wrong. Work on the foundations of what your relationship must be. Your union should have a goal greater than the both of you. You are integral and fundamental to it, but it can’t be just about you. Repeatedly I say, LIFE AIN’T ABOUT YOU. Find a purpose that holds you, a contribution that you make outside yourselves. Kids could be it. And so could be advocacy, or whatever you chose it to be. This intensifies your commitment to one another, it sparks you up in love  everyday. Let passion dictate your interaction with your world.

Never get tired of loving. Never get tired of giving. Sometimes the psychology that it is a give-give affair works to ruin relationships. Love until it hurts in other words. Love gives, it does not take. When it gets tired, refresh and renew it. Just because one doesn’t love you the way you want them to, does not mean that they don’t love you with all that they have.

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